SIXTH SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME

The true origin of Valentine’s Day is unclear.

One version suggests that Valentine was a priest and bishop in third-century Rome during the reign of Emperor Claudius II.  Claudius was said to have banned young men from marrying because he believed single men made better soldiers than married men, who would worry about their wives and families.  Bishop Valentine disagreed and continued to perform marriages.  When the Emperor discovered this, Valentine was put to death.

Another legend tells a different love story.  In this account, Valentine was not a priest but a Christian who was imprisoned and fell in love with the jailer’s daughter.  The daughter was blind, but Valentine healed her.  Just before his death, Valentine wrote her letter.  Guess how he signed it? From your Valentine.

Valentine’s Day is about being romantic.  For those of you who are married, think back to the early days of your relationship.  What first attracted you to one another?  Remember how there never seemed to be enough hours in the day to be together, and how you could talk for hours on the phone.

It often begins with the smallest gestures: an interested glance, the brush of a hand, a twinkle in the eye, or an engaging smile.  Lifelong love grows from these little expressions of care and gradually deepens into total self-commitment and mutual surrender.   

But that romantic stage doesn’t last forever.  Reality sets in rather quickly.  Careers, busy schedules and children begin to take priority, and the relationship itself can be taken for granted.  The small expressions of care become fewer and farther between. 

In this morning’s gospel, a continuation of the Sermon on the Mount and a perfect reading for Valentine’s weekend, Jesus warns His disciples, and us, to watch out for the little things that undermine our relationships. 

Jesus begins with a clear statement, “Do not think that I have not come to abolish the law or the prophets.  I have come not to abolish but to fulfill.”  What is new is His interpretation, which at times clashed with the scribes and Pharisees. It is not a lax interpretation, but a more demanding one.

Jesus uses the example of murder.  The Ten Commandments already forbid murder, but Jesus goes further and says whoever is angry will be liable to judgment. He goes right to the heart of murderous intent: anger.   

Jesus is not speaking of constructive anger, which recognizes injustice and moves us to act. Anger at mass shootings, sex trafficking, child abuse, abortion and reckless driving can be constructive.

The anger Jesus warns against is destructive anger, the kind that can kill.  A study by Dr. Radford Williams of Duke University concluded that those prone to angry outbursts were seven times more likely to develop heart disease or die prematurely.  In other words, anger can kill.  Anger can be deadly.

Everyone experiences anger.  Psychologists and theologians throughout the ages have offered practical ways to deal with it:

• Take an inventory of the people or situations that make you angry.  If reconciliation is not possible, psychologists say avoid them and theologians say pray for them.  The latter being more difficult.
• Promise yourself that you will speak reasonably and calmly with the person who angers you.
• Try to consider the other person’s situation.
• Start counting when your anger button is pushed, as high as you need to!
• Stick to the issue and resist name-calling. 

Remember, it is ultimately your choice whether or not to be angry, regardless of what another person has done.

Have you ever noticed that anger can cause us to do some foolish things?

There is a story about a married couple who began arguing at a party.  Once they were in the car, the argument escalated.  Neither of them noticed that they were driving through a very dangerous neighborhood because they were so focused on their anger. 

Finally, the wife shouted, “Stop the car and let me out!”

The husband immediately stopped.  She looked out the window and simply said, “Will you take me to a better neighborhood first?” 

Fortunately, that broke the tension and led them into a rational discussion of their differences.

Allowing anger, bitterness or hatred to fester in our lives can kill us physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Recently, I spoke to a former inmate who is now working for a construction company.  When he was in prison, he was filled with hatred toward the system and everyone connected with it.

Now, although he is free, he remains angry at his job, his boss, his family situation and his parole officer. 

I said to him, “It seems like you are still in your own prison of anger.”  He simply could not escape his bitterness. It consumed him.   

Anyone who is serious about growing spiritually must confront their own anger and how they handle it.  I am convinced that resentment, hatred and anger are among the greatest obstacles to spiritual growth.

Anger itself is a feeling, an emotion, an energy.  It is a signal that can be negative or positive, painful or healthy.  It is a natural human emotion.

• As infants, we express anger by crying for what we want or need.
• As children, we cry less but kicking, biting and temper tantrums appear.
• Pre-teens often express anger through fighting, teasing or bullying.
• Teenagers and adults show anger through raised voices, the silent treatment, avoidance, criticism, gossip, fault-finding or physical confrontation.

Jesus instructs us to pay attention to these small transgressions.  Left unchecked, they can grow into serious offenses with devastating consequences.  By the same token, small acts of love can grow into great love.

Jesus said, “Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother and then come and offer your gift.”

Jesus warns us about destructive anger and calls for us to find better ways to resolve conflict.   Confrontations are unavoidable, but we must not allow anger to poison our relationships. 

On this Valentine’s weekend, I challenge you to express your love through small acts of caring.  Remember, our relationships with one another mirror our relationship with God.